Although humor is the best medicine, mine won't cure our current financial woes. It's just my attempt to poke fun at the Wall Street geniuses and those elected to protect us from the avarice at the root of the meltdown before they persuade us to join in their next financial scheme. For background music, I recommend J. S. Bach's Cantata 168, using the parable of the unjust steward for a musical attack on the money men of 1720 Weimar.

For today's rendition of moral hazard, appreciate the nuances of politically correct semantics. The Financial Market Bailout Package became a Rescue when promoted to Congress and a Recovery after taxpayers proclaimed they weren't buying the idea of picking up the tab for financial market meltdown caused by the Sub-Prime loans that were "packaged to sell". It's all about presentation. Even Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson's three-page wish list plea for help was promoted as a package.

When the Sub-Prime and Upside-down Loans were packaged they became Toxic Assets devolving into Non-Liquid Assets when no one in the world was willing to buy them. They morphed into Troubled Assets when addressed in Treasury's Troubled Asset Recovery Program which is Chapter 1 of the Bailout-Rescue-Recovery Package-Plea-Plan. That happened at the same time Hank stopped calling his plea a Package and it was described as a Program offered with fingers crossed so it wouldn't pour oil the fire of inflation. By now this is known by the anachronism TARP and should not be confused with the useful kind we use to keep the auto oil from messing up the garage floor.

Congressional hearings exposed the marketing of high-risk Non-Liquid-Toxic-Sub-Prime-Upside-Down loans by Bundling or Packaging them with Derivatives alternately know as Swaps, Hedges, or Credit Paper. The purpose of which was an attempt to confer value to risky loans by spreading risk to multiple investors. The masking of actual risk is so extensive and complicated that we are told it is no longer possible for anyone to know which Derivatives-Swaps-Hedges-Credit Paper are owned by whom or if the illusive value they suggest could ever be collectible. The bundling/packaging resulted in ersatz Bonds or Securities that ultimately caused investors and savvy banks to no longer be willing to buy them.

It could be worse. They only deal with paper. The real properties that support the value for the loans are the abandoned houses in our failing neighborhoods. If the financial geniuses were also handling the Real Property think how risky that could become.

They might conclude that those whose unemployment benefits are exhausted could have homes at risk of foreclosure put into a vacation sharing program with folks in Samoa, a desirable destination since our building of new roads. Already abandoned homes might be used to house the homeless, a constituency that is virtually invisible to financial types because they aren't investors. Other houses might be adapted to low-income community homes packed with as many families as the homes have bathrooms. Houses in hopelessly depressed neighborhoods could be used as alternate residences for members of Congress to give them an opportunity to empathize with their constituents for as long as it takes for the markets to turn around.

Clusters of houses might be utilized by local school districts for off-site instruction. Others can be stocked with Puerto Rican Rum at non-tariff prices for the big block party that will take place on the day all the prosecutable culprits are identified and indicted. To be sure that crime does not run rampant in these run-down neighborhoods they might encourage the Boy Scouts to award a merit badge for policing the neighborhoods with their tax free wooden arrowheads.

When an entire tract is in foreclosure and potential buyers can't be found, they might turn everything over to the military for Urban Assault Training. This method of property management would replicate the mess Congress implemented in their administration of Military Base Closures. When all is reduced to rubble, the taxpayers will be expected to build everything back again so neighborhoods may benefit from groups of houses turned into community centers for 501(c)3 Faith Based organizations whose mission statement calls for a return to the 'we can do it' American spirit.